bouncing along in the back of an old blue pickup truck

today seems like a good day to blog.
it's snowy and blowy, and so very cold.
an inside sort of day.
today also seems like a good day to give away
some copies of Perennial Blessings with extra yummy hot chocolate.
i personally do not like chocolate, but i am trying to speak your language. (smile.)

so, at the end of the post, i will give instructions as to how you can be chosen to receive a package in the mail from yours truely.

monday was a hard day.
i quit the job that i loved oh so much.
for those of you who do not know what that job was...
i worked one, sometimes two, days a week at a little coffee shop.
it was so me!  i thrived!  the experience was so amazing!  the opportunities could have been limitless.  
in the five months i worked at the shop, customers who were strangers became my friends.  i looked forward to serving them, and sending them off with coffee and a smile.
i learned their names.  people love to be called by their name. did you know that?  i heard once that the word most dear to a person, is hearing someone call them by their name.

but there were issues.
issues that became a matter of integrity for me.  in order to keep peace and maintain my integrity as a person, and a believer, i walked away.  sooo sadly.
i drove home from my last shift at the shop on monday night, in the cold and in the dark, and the tears dripped off of my chin.
the faces of so many people that i had come to love,
that i had shared my heart with,
kept running through my mind.
i felt so confused.
i knew God led me there. and i did not know, and still do not know,
why He closed the door. 
i was not ready for it to close.
it didn't feel like it was time.

when i got home, my husband could see that i had been crying, so he
opened his arms to me, and of course...
the flood gates opened again!  more tears.
the tears came and went over the next 24 hours.
i knew i had done what i was supposed to do...
and my heart was and is committed to following God's perfect path for me,
but sometimes this thing i do with God...it's just so...
hard.




the scene on my livingroom floor the other day.  which doll best represents my life at present?  the one sitting in the back of the old blue pickup truck.  just along for the ride.  who knew God drove an old blue truck??

can any of you identify?

this feeling of

"God, where are you taking me?"

"are you a safe driver?"

"am i going to end up at a good place?"

oh, i know.

i know that we "believe" that God is a good, safe driver, and that he is taking us to a good place...

and "technically" we aren't "supposed" to even ask those questions...

says WHO?

this is our life!

our very hearts are at stake.

we are going to feel.  (if we are real, that is.)

and just because we choose to believe that God is trustworthy,

and that He is who He says He is,

that does not mean that sometimes we will not cry and say,

"ouch! i wasn't expecting that bump in the road.

God, you sure you know where you're headed???  seems really bumpy back here!!  any chance, have an extra pillow up there...

to toss back to me.  ease the blow of the bumps, perhaps???

maybe toss a box of tissues along with the pillow, if you would."

seriously, do we really think that being a "good christian" means we never ask God what's going on?  or that we have to pretend it's all good, and there is no pain in this journey?  that we constantly live in the "happy place" of God's goodness?

because to me,

that seems like another mask.

another form of pretense.

i love God.  i do.  more than life itself.

and i will follow Him anywhere.

and i am committed to learning, and seeking, and growing.

but i will be honest, and tell you that there has been much pain along the way.

much confusion.

sometimes anger.

grief.  sadness.  sacrifice.

it's not been a smooth ride in a stretch limo.

not by a long shot.

but in all reality,

i don't think that is what God has promised.

He has promised victory.  power.  love.  grace.  mercy.  strength.  truth.

but not easy.  God never promised easy.

anything worth having is hard work.  always.  so what's with this idea of wanting more of God, and life in Him, with the mentality that it will happen easily, and pain free? 

are there any fellow seekers out there who know what it means to yell, "OUCH, God!"

anyone who has had to double check that God remembers you are bouncing along in the back?  without a pillow???

maybe even a few brave souls out there who are willing to say that there have been bumps that have been so big,

they've nearly been tossed out of the back of the truck? 

i know those kind of bumps.

God does know we are back there.

i believe He does.

and He knows when the bumps hurt.  bad.

and i believe, i really do,

that if a bump comes along, that is sooo big, and the sheer force of it tosses us out of the back of the truck,

the God i have come to know

will stop the truck, turn it around, and come back for us.

He really is that kind of God.

and He could no more drive away without looking back,

than we could from our own children who need us so desperately.

so this is me.

bumping along.

waiting to see what is around the next bend.

believing, through tears, that God knows what He's doing.

this thing we do with God, the entrusting our very lives to Him...

it is so hard, yes.

but how much harder would it be to do it alone. 

without Him.

i'll take the bumps anyday.

and because sometimes "a little something" helps to ease the bumps...

i'd like to send a little something.  (smile.)

a little something can act as a pillow sometimes.  can't it?  (smile.)

i will be sending 5 copies of my book Perennial Blessings, each with some special flavored hot chocolate.

to anyone wishing to participate, all you have to do is

submit a comment, either on the blog, or comment on the link on fb,

and post the link to your fb profile.

this gift can be for you, or for someone you know who is having a bumpy time of it.  i will choose five.  the last day for the comments for this post will be a week from today. i will post the winners and ask for addresses to be sent to me via fb message or email.

and at any time, if God puts someone on your heart who you really feel could use a little something, an encouragement in the Lord, send an email to me at wolfefam@comcast.net, or send a message via facebook, and i will make sure the need is met. 

 pressing onward,

in faith, HOPE, and love,

~ann